I titled this blog post "Rambling" as that is exactly what I am going to do....not one particular subject....just what comes to mind...I'll call it the venting post....
Loneliness....many people experience this. It can come from the loss of any number of things, places, people. I guess mine comes from the loss of people in my life...which we must all face at some time or other in our lives. I was divorced for 22 years, raised my daughter, worked all the while...dated some...but mainly did everything myself, very independent...not rich, but we made do. Then daughter married, left home. Empty nest!!
I did meet someone back then that I cared about, but a permanent relationship was out of the question, due to his circumstances. Then, I dated a nice guy for several years...but his job took him many, many miles away....long distance realationships just don't always work.
Then, I met and later married a great guy, love of my life. Our marriage was great, except when he drank....then it was the pits. So for almost nine yrs. we trudged on...with promises to quit which didn't last long. Then he go very sick...I took care of him for seven months and then he passed away. I missed him then and now, 3 and1/2 yrs later, I still miss him but am ready to move on with my life....I am a retired teacher and I do much serious volunteer work with 5 organizations....but I am still lonely. I want to be #1 in someone's life....be hugged...be loved..have someone to talk with...go places with...share....you know, all those things...then I was introduced to a nice gentleman who seemed to want all the same things..trouble was, he was only seperated from his wife..whom he described as not too pleasant at all in all aspects.
Now, we hit if off, liking the same foods, places, activities. We could sit on the swing and talk for hours....talk on the phone for hours...cook together...work together...play together...just like we were meant to be...NOT...seperated wife gets wind that we are getting serious, so she begins to badger him with calls...I'll change..blah, blah, blah...so where is he now??? Take a guess...he said he was so torn between the two of us...but God was telling him to try to make it work...they only been seperated 7 times in a 6 yr. marriage....think something is rotten in Denmark there??? Any way..he"s with her and I feel my life has been turned upside down, shook out, and left empty...I haven't seen him in a month...haven't really had closure with him face to face.
So, ergo, LONELINESS!!! I can be in a crowd and lonely, at church, lonely...I put up this big front and people think I just fine....but I'm not, so, what does one do???
